Archives for the month of: June, 2013

I do not expect all my advices will be considered, even fewer to be actually realized. Yet it is blatantly rude and annoying to be asking for it when you have been repeatedly ignored them or just loose interest in topic in the middle of the conversation. I do not claim to be anyway better off than you are, infact you know the realities better. Neither do I claim to know everything, that’ll be a silly thing to even assume.

Do not expect me to fix your problems, I know you do not. I can not.
Infact, from now on I am going to be stop taking things seriously thinking you need help and just shut the fuck up.
I cannot help it when you want to do *something* without making an effort. You think it is too boring to actually do things all by your own but do not consider the fact that being an average teenager that you are it is so fucking easy to find peers just like you, even better when you do not have any esoteric interests. Fretting all month that you have to do something won’t get anything done, it hasn’t ever.
You tell me you are learning guitar, but it gets too lonely.
Join the music club in the city, all youngsters come together every week at this hippie destination that serves some food and drinks to jam. Ofcourse, you cannot go there without making an effort by yourself to try and learn guitar.
But then you jump on some other reason why your life sucks without even responding to the idea and then ask the same thing again next week hoping I’ll be responsive.
I even know it is not all true and you hear me perhaps even better than me and it gets boring to hear so much but I had to write this to vent out my frustration. It is one of those things I had to part with. I do not have a problem, it won’t be fair to think that life or relationship owes us happiness(it does maybe but you know, every wants to be happy yet it won’t be called happiness if you’re that way all the time)
It is now a few hours since I had this conversation, I am not sure what caused the annoyance.
I miss you.

I swear I do not write out of disappointment. But right from today’s morning, I have been spending time on things that are somewhat summonsing. It has to do with her. Yes. I probably should publish more about the fun we have had, and how much I like being with her but that is not compelling enough to be noted down right at the moment.
You see, to me, writing things down is channeling my experience into computer is a way to empty things from where they should not be. The moments I cherish are the last things I would want to loose, I see the ingrained paradox in it but there it is. Perhaps life will be happier if I censored it a little more for the rest of the mindless audience in me in any of the four dimensions. Whatever happens, happens for a reason.

five ever
She wants to meet me, or more precisely go out for a movie. To which I have no objections per se, but the fact that I lie to my parents every time I go out with her makes me uncomfortable living in a closet. Perhaps, we can all use a little more openness. There are still a few issues which need to be addressed as they exist on the table(order doesn’t matter):

1. Fiscal anxiety: Being together with someone directly implies an agreement on one or both parts to compromise their lifestyle and live one that is more or less a conglomeration of the two. It is for that fact that my expenses have gone up severely, I do not understand at all the need to pay 140 rupees for a bowl of really mediocre noodles or 80-something for two scoops of butterscotch ice cream. I am more infuriated for being a consenting party in such transactions where it is no more than shallow pretentiousness that I hide inside. Paying 150 bucks for playing 10 rounds at the bowling alley is the definition of insanity, worn on the fact that I don’t own these currency bills and have not even got started being capable of being handed over these. There is infuriation over the fact that going out with her everyday will drain it faster than anything.

2. Lies: I deal with a lot of lies. Many incessant and needless, it has become a compulsive habit. The one that involves my parents and her is disappointing. Maybe I do not need to, perhaps I can at least tell them about her existence, I still fear that will bring unnecessary interference and hence stress that cannot be taken back.

3. Social intolerance: This is not about how intolerant society made up of conservative principles is. It yet has to do with the kind fo environment people provide for their kids to grow up in, be a little cool old people. I have a friend whose parents are so far the most liberal I personally know of.
Perhaps there would be more but I have ran out of the mood I started writing in, points 2 and 3 were written after a gap of 2 or so hours since I started. The Prestige demands a rewatch. I should reiterate that this still does not make her any less incredible, for as far as I can see she has pushed away these problems very much for me as well. Sometime I would thank her for making me a part of another life. The best we can do is brush ourselves up a little more. It won’t be disappointing.